so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
