awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize