found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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