just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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