Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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