thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
