I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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