I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Oh god it's open bar.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
