too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
