Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Randomize