I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
