no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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