i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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