you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
