I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Someone came in the potted fern
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
