I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
