it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
