Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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