Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
