Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
is wine microwaveable?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
