A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
As shirtless as possible
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
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