I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Oh god it's open bar.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize