are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
one might say we're banned from that church
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
