Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
