guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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