she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
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