if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
