Why are handjobs necessary in class?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
