Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
