Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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