When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
