I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Randomize
