I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Randomize
