I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize