She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
