He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
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