Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
