no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
