Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
she peed on how many people?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Randomize
