p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
