Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He shit in the fireplace
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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