just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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