he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I currently don't understand fingers.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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