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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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