Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
