me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
