I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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