is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
