Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
