Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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