Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
