I just threw up on my dentist
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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