sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
