yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
only if we run a train.
done.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
