3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
