She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
