i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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