I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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