Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
please don't ironically join a cult
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