meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
