Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
