Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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