You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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