Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize