I'm going to jail i love you
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
