Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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