wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Pants are for mortals
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