We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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