That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
