I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
